The D word use to not be a word that was talked about or even thought about. However, the D word (Divorce) is becoming more and more common. When I have heard that someone has been married for 25 plus years I am in shock. I wonder how did the couple make it past the seven year itch or just make it period.
Hollywood has made divorce look easy and what is acceptable. Many states with in the United States are no fault state. Which means that the do not have to prove or say why a person is getting a divorce. I feel that this do not make either party accountable for the path of divorce. In some states you just have to go to a computer fill out the paperwork and submit it to the court house. Without talking with someone. However, on the other hand some states make you wait a waiting period and also suggest that you get mediation.
I personally have been affected by the D word. I was married when I was 19 years old. I married someone who was not right for me. I knew that from the start. However, I thought I knew better than everyone. I could change my husband. Well, that is the wrong way to start a marriage. I could not change him nor was it right to even thing about it. The marriage was on the rocks and we were going to bring a family into this bond. I knew it would not fix things however, I thought again that I knew better.
Well, I finally had a wake up call, had to swallow my pride. I knew if I wanted my new baby to have the life I wanted it to have I had to get a divorce. Granted, I didn’t just wake up one day and say lets go to the court house. First, I moved out. Than I wanted to see if we could work on us. However, when only one person wants to work the marriage, it doesn’t look good.
Dallin H. Oaks stated in his talk “Divorce,” “When a marriage is dead and beyond hope of resuscitation, it is needful to have a means to end it.” No person should have to live in a marriage that is unrepairable or where they are being abused. Oaks goes on to state, “We know that some look back on their divorces with regret at their own partial or predominant fault in the breakup.” Do I look back and wish I did things differently? Yes, I do. One of the apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints suggest that you lose yourself in serving your spouse. Do I think that this could of helped me? No, from the start my husband and I wanted two different things in our lives and they didn’t cross with one another.
I believe that marriage is hard work and divorce is an easy way out. However, I know that it is also something that sometimes needs to happen for some. Do I think that it should be easy to get a divorce no. Especially if there are children involved? However, it is something that needs to be there.
In the Proclamation to the Family from the First Presidency of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we read that children need both a Father and Mother. Which I believe whole heartily. Some parents are better parents apart. However, people should not stay together for the children. In the video called “Divorce School for Kids,” you can watch about a program from Oakland, California that help children of all ages deal with their parents’ divorce. Children need to be able to have someone to talk to and to share their feelings. Many children do not want to share their feelings with either parents in fear of hurting one over the other.
Even as common as the D word is many people so not like to talk about it. I know that it is far from my favorite topic to talk about. It is not easy to spend some holidays with out my child with me. Or have to communicate with someone who makes my blood boil. However, I needed the D word in my life. I have grown so much from getting a divorce. I am able to talk to my now 16-year-old and say I tried my best. Sometimes that fairy tale end just has a little different ending with that darn D word.
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