When you are in love

There is a couple of who I have known about 8 years. This couple have been married for over 50 years. Just being with someone for 50 years says something in itself, don’t you think so? The wife is a spunky lady. She is the type that tells you how she is feels. Her husband is a sweet man that just goes with the flow of things.

Whenever, you talk to them talk about their marriage it is always loving. When they look at each other you can feel and see their love for each other. However, they are very quick to say it takes a lot of work. They still are working on things because of the different stage in life that they are in.

The wife says that she had to learn how to love and communicate. She came from an abusive family. Her dad beat her every day up until a week before she got married. The only reason for the week was because it gave time for the bruises to heal.

Her husband showed her how to communicate without yelling or hitting any one. However, she said that he was the only one that would be able to show her this.

Now the husband says it is a lot of give and take. Along with being willing to say I am sorry. He also say that you need to learn one another’s strengths and weaknesses, you need to let the strengths shine and not focus so much on the weaknesses. One of his wife’s weaknesses is that she liked to spend money, however, she did not liked being questioned what she was buying. They came upon an agreement that she would be giving spending money that she could spend however, she wanted. She didn’t have to answer to anyone about what she spent the money. Granted at first the money was only like $5.00, she said it was hers.

When I was listening to Elder Wirthlin’s talking in October 2007 General Conference, Elder Wirthlin talks about a gentleman painting his wife’s nails until she passed away.  The couple talked about above popped into my head.  Right now the husband’s health is not doing that great. The wife says it is her turn to take care of him. However, she still pushes him to be the man he has always been.

The couple that Elder Wirthlin and my friends that I talked about are great example of what we should do when we are married. Marriage is hard work, however, it is worth it when you are with the right person to fight your battles with.

Why Temples Are Important To Me

Temples are a place where families are sealed together for all time and eternity. This means that they will still be a family unit not only on this earth but also in the afterlife. This might not matter to some but it does to me. I love my family and want to be with them forever.

Church leaders have promised church members the some of the following blessings if they attend the temple:

“You will receive the spirit of Elijah, which will turn your hears to your spouse, to your children, and to your forebears. You will love your family with a deeper love than you have loved before. Your hearts will be turned to your fathers and theirs to you. You will be endowed with power from on high as the Lord promised.” (Benson)

I have not regular attendant the temple. However, the blessing that we can receive are just so powerful. Imagine loving your family more than you already do. When I was young my dad would travel to Seattle to go and work in the temple. In my teen years my mom worked in the Portland temple. I have to admit life wasn’t perfect but the bonds of family love were there. I knew how important the temple was to my parents. While in my teen years. My friends and I would hang out at the Portland temple on Sunday nights.  That was the place to be.

      

It is very important to start teaching our children while they are young about the importance of temples. President Ezra Taft Benson tells of his mom ironing her temple clothes and talking about the importance of the temple to him, in his talk “What I Hope Would Teach Your Children about theTemple.”

I have not had the opportunity to be married in the temple. However, I do talk about it with my son. We talk about when it is time for him to get married he needs to go to the temple. I know that I am not entailed to all the blessing of the temple because I have not been sealed. However, I know that it is important to be worthy and to want that temple marriage.

Cheri Call has a song called “I Will Never Leave Him.” I know that Heavenly Father knows what I want in my heart. As long as I am worthy he will be there to fill in the gaps where I cannot.   

There is a Savior, this truth I humbly know
He gave His life so that I might be allowed
Back to His arms on the day He calls me home
And I know that I will never leave Him now

I've been in danger, I've walked a sinner's way
I've felt the weight when my weary head would bow
Then Jesus came and erased my every debt
And I know that I will never leave Him now

He paid the highest price for me
And still He tells me I am free
But where would I ever wish to go
How could I leave the everlasting love He's shown

So as I live in this wild and wondrous world
There is no force that will ever pull me down
My love for Jesus will always be my guide
And I know that I will never leave Him now
And I know that I will never leave Him now

Real talk about the D word

The D word use to not be a word that was talked about or even thought about. However, the D word (Divorce) is becoming more and more common. When I have heard that someone has been married for 25 plus years I am in shock. I wonder how did the couple make it past the seven year itch or just make it period.

Hollywood has made divorce look easy and what is acceptable. Many states with in the United States are no fault state. Which means that the do not have to prove or say why a person is  getting a divorce. I feel that this do not make either party accountable for the path of divorce. In some states you just have to go to a computer fill out the paperwork and submit it to the court house. Without talking with someone. However, on the other hand some states make you wait a waiting period and also suggest that you get mediation.

I personally have been affected by the D word. I was married when I was 19 years old. I married someone who was not right for me. I knew that from the start. However, I thought I knew better than everyone. I could change my husband. Well, that is the wrong way to start a marriage. I could not change him nor was it right to even thing about it. The marriage was on the rocks and we were going to bring a family into this bond. I knew it would not fix things however, I thought again that I knew better. 

                                                       

Well, I finally had a wake up call, had to swallow my pride. I knew if I wanted my new baby to have the life I wanted it to have I had to get a divorce. Granted, I didn’t just wake up one day and say lets go to the court house. First, I moved out. Than I wanted to see if we could work on us. However, when only one person wants to work the marriage, it doesn’t look good.

Dallin H. Oaks stated in his talk “Divorce,” “When a marriage is dead and beyond hope of resuscitation, it is needful to have a means to end it.”  No person should have to live in a marriage that is unrepairable or where they are being abused. Oaks goes on to state, “We know that some look back on their divorces with regret at their own partial or predominant fault in the breakup.” Do I look back and wish I did things differently? Yes, I do. One of the apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints suggest that you lose yourself in serving your spouse.  Do I think that this could of helped me? No, from the start my husband and I wanted two different things in our lives and they didn’t cross with one another.

I believe that marriage is hard work and divorce is an easy way out. However, I know that it is also something that sometimes needs to happen for some. Do I think that it should be easy to get a divorce no. Especially if there are children involved? However, it is something that needs to be there.

In the Proclamation to the Family from the First Presidency of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we read that children need both a Father and Mother. Which I believe whole heartily. Some parents are better parents apart. However, people should not stay together for the children. In the video called “Divorce School for Kids,” you can watch about a program from Oakland, California that help children of all ages deal with their parents’ divorce. Children need to be able to have someone to talk to and to share their feelings. Many children do not want to share their feelings with either parents in fear of hurting one over the other.

Even as common as the D word is many people so not like to talk about it. I know that it is far from my favorite topic to talk about. It is not easy to spend some holidays with out my child with me. Or have to communicate with someone who makes my blood boil. However, I needed the D word in my life. I have grown so much from getting a divorce. I am able to talk to my now 16-year-old and say I tried my best. Sometimes that fairy tale end just has a little different ending with that darn D word.